I've posted a few links to articles on my face book page that may be of interest to those in transition, they are primarily concerned with the lack of professional knowledge within the initial care for transgenders within the British NHS care system.
https://www.facebook.com/gabriel.tinto.79/posts/1727372390831719
https://www.facebook.com/gabriel.tinto.79/posts/1727619107473714
https://www.facebook.com/gabriel.tinto.79/posts/1727946057441019
https://www.facebook.com/gabriel.tinto.79/posts/1727946087441016
I am no great expert with blogging or facebook, but copy and paste into your browser should take you to the articles.
Monday, 22 February 2016
Monday, 8 February 2016
An Ethereal Mind...
Another trip to Charing Cross accomplished with some positive outcome, the most significant being that my next visit will be for second opinion for referral to Brighton and reassignment surgery... woopie! Hard to be emotional about it given my belief that it should be a right rather than an aspiration subject to jumping through hoops to prove my identity. I understand the need of justification, but not how I should wag my tail like a grateful dog on being given a reward for good behaviour. Given that the process is to allow me my rightful place as a person and improve my life quality, I find it demeaning and counter productive that I am the subject to qualification of 'expert opinion' from Dr's and Psycologists that are cisgen. What the f*ck would they know about actually being a trans individual? More over, why should I have to bite my lip about poor quality treatment from their clinic?
Anyhow, I also had a 2 hour interview by a representative from The Care Quality Commission as a result of my complaint about the clinic, I expected them there on the day of my appointment, the clinic however was not LOL, The administrative staff were unusually polite to me funny enough, but I was able to voice my opinion on many inadequacies surrounding the quality of care given by the clinic. My raison d'etre has never been to receive special treatment, simply for them to follow the rules and guidelines for treatment of any patient in the NHS. I simply want them to do their job rather than continually find excuse and make apologies for failings.
I have been subject to the swings of mood this month more so than at any time in my transition. I find my self in an unearthly and disconnected state of mind. I have become an observer rather than a participant in my own emotions. I can rationalise that it is due to my body being able to metabolise my testosterone again as the effectiveness of the decapeptide tails off. Rational falls to bits the moment any emotion kicks in however, I am indecisive, moody and unengaging the majority of the time I'm told by the very brave. There is good reason for this state of being, I know, but subjectivity is in poor supply in the real world. 'Transgenders are weird' is a statement I have heard on occasion, I wonder if it may be are dips and spikes of hormone levels that make us so? I have always been a bloody minded individual and I'm sure I must be intolerable at the moment.
Anyhow, I also had a 2 hour interview by a representative from The Care Quality Commission as a result of my complaint about the clinic, I expected them there on the day of my appointment, the clinic however was not LOL, The administrative staff were unusually polite to me funny enough, but I was able to voice my opinion on many inadequacies surrounding the quality of care given by the clinic. My raison d'etre has never been to receive special treatment, simply for them to follow the rules and guidelines for treatment of any patient in the NHS. I simply want them to do their job rather than continually find excuse and make apologies for failings.
I have been subject to the swings of mood this month more so than at any time in my transition. I find my self in an unearthly and disconnected state of mind. I have become an observer rather than a participant in my own emotions. I can rationalise that it is due to my body being able to metabolise my testosterone again as the effectiveness of the decapeptide tails off. Rational falls to bits the moment any emotion kicks in however, I am indecisive, moody and unengaging the majority of the time I'm told by the very brave. There is good reason for this state of being, I know, but subjectivity is in poor supply in the real world. 'Transgenders are weird' is a statement I have heard on occasion, I wonder if it may be are dips and spikes of hormone levels that make us so? I have always been a bloody minded individual and I'm sure I must be intolerable at the moment.
Monday, 11 January 2016
A pink collar...
Just because my collar is pink, don't assume I won't bite. Just because I'm a staffy, don't assume I'm insecure about wearing pink; infact, just don't make assumptions about me!
This seems so pertinent as I have just heard the news this morning about the death of David Bowie, an icon of the gender moment. The assumption that all trans are in some way gay is common place, and that gender and sexual preference are linked. David Bowie was premier in breaking the assumptions that are commonly held, being fluid in gender and sexuality, but resolutely male.
The assertion that born sex dictates gender is a falsehood, the assumption that gender and born sex should in any way dictate sexual preference is equally ridiculous. My sexual preferences are my own, but how often do I get asked if I'm gay? Gender fluidity is the new Black but transgenderism is not a fashion accessory, how refreshing would it be if the populous could come to terms with the notion that transition is not a life choice, but rather, a necessity.
Gender dysphoria could be argued as a birth defect, not so unlike any other birth disfigurement. You would not deny an individual corrective surgery for a hare lip, so why is SRS such a contentious issue in the public eye? I feel a fundamental change in public attitude has begun and hopefully this will be reflected in the process of transition. As I have posted in the past, the medicalisation of the condition needs to move from the auspice of mental health to the biomedical arena. The stigmatism of gender dysphoria is only prospered by the assumption that we are in some way a mental health issue in the public gaze, this is wrong and needs to change.
Thank you David for being a guide and advocate of gender fluidity, may you rest in peace.
https://youtu.be/zLnPd7lzT4gxxx
Wednesday, 6 January 2016
From my Facebook.
I heard something very telling on the TV last night; 'A transgender woman is not a man', this might seem such an obvious statement, but within the context of the discussion it highlighted a sad sociological point. The statement was made to counter argument from a feminist. I find it sad that the feminist perspective rejects trans women and does not recognise are status based on what, to us, is a birth defect. The similarities in struggle for identity and equality are no less and if anything greater than that of nature born women and surly cannot be separated because of born sex type. I feel that it is a sad state when the feminist movement is becoming the greater of prejudicial perspectives that the transgender community faces. Surely this is hypocrisy?
I have to question what constitutes a woman in feminist ideology? Will it be based on a capacity to give birth? If so, where does that leave those women born infertile or rendered infertile by means beyond their control or those in the lesbian community that choose not to conceive by virtue of sexual preferences? Where will the transgenderd woman sit within the feminist perspective when womb transplant becomes more common place and transwomen exercise the right to this procedure and become birth mothers?
The proposition that men subjugate women, the majority of violent crime against women and the 'glass ceiling' are all the result of men doesn't float when applied to a transgender. We are subject to exactly the same issues. Statistically transgenders are subject to more violent assault per capita than born women, the average income is significantly less than born women and career escalation is significantly less likely. The professionals that control are development, classification and medical progression are, like in women, rarely fellow transgenders. As a community we have less control of are medicalisation than any woman. We are in less control of factors in are lives than women were pre Emily Pankhurst.
I have to question what constitutes a woman in feminist ideology? Will it be based on a capacity to give birth? If so, where does that leave those women born infertile or rendered infertile by means beyond their control or those in the lesbian community that choose not to conceive by virtue of sexual preferences? Where will the transgenderd woman sit within the feminist perspective when womb transplant becomes more common place and transwomen exercise the right to this procedure and become birth mothers?
The proposition that men subjugate women, the majority of violent crime against women and the 'glass ceiling' are all the result of men doesn't float when applied to a transgender. We are subject to exactly the same issues. Statistically transgenders are subject to more violent assault per capita than born women, the average income is significantly less than born women and career escalation is significantly less likely. The professionals that control are development, classification and medical progression are, like in women, rarely fellow transgenders. As a community we have less control of are medicalisation than any woman. We are in less control of factors in are lives than women were pre Emily Pankhurst.
Monday, 4 January 2016
Get a backbone...
Firstly I'd like to say that it is becoming hard work to write my blog without any feed back, it would be helpful if you could comment as it would give me starting points for discussion and incentive to carry on.
That said, I had an interesting conversation with 'K; this afternoon, centred around changing facilities. K and myself have come to the realisation that we are not going to get fit just by wishing we will, so we are intending to use are local gym. K proposes to use the 'wet' changing rooms provided for the swimming pool as they are individual cubicles. This would seem a rational choice if it were her modesty that motivated the selection (K, like myself is a M>F undergoing transition), but her choice is based on a belief that it is inappropriate to use the women's changing room to protect their sensitivities.
I believe this to be wholly the wrong reason to make such a selection. The LGBT community has fought and continues to fight for anti-discrimination and I believe that those legal rights afforded to the genuine Transgender, so sorely fought for, are made trivial if are community fail to live by and exercise their right of integration. By merit of law we are afforded all rights and facilities of are chosen gender the moment we are diagnosed and it is committed to medical record.
If we are ever to be accepted as women, then abdicating the responsability of acting and behaving as the women we report to be, will weakening any legal and moral stance we have gained. If we are seen as being inappropriate in situations and facilities by either of the born sex, for using the gender appropriate facilities of are legal entitlement, then they are acting prejudicially and committing an offence. That is the law. The sensitivities of are community have been ignored for decades and the nature born have shown little care. If the attitudes of all are to change, then shying away from what is are right, purely to avoid conflict or falsely protect others sensitivities, will only prolong or stifle any hope of true acceptance.
Given a right, then exercise a right. Not doing so would risk loosing it. If you truly believe you are what you say you are, then have the backbone to stand up for it.
That said, I had an interesting conversation with 'K; this afternoon, centred around changing facilities. K and myself have come to the realisation that we are not going to get fit just by wishing we will, so we are intending to use are local gym. K proposes to use the 'wet' changing rooms provided for the swimming pool as they are individual cubicles. This would seem a rational choice if it were her modesty that motivated the selection (K, like myself is a M>F undergoing transition), but her choice is based on a belief that it is inappropriate to use the women's changing room to protect their sensitivities.
I believe this to be wholly the wrong reason to make such a selection. The LGBT community has fought and continues to fight for anti-discrimination and I believe that those legal rights afforded to the genuine Transgender, so sorely fought for, are made trivial if are community fail to live by and exercise their right of integration. By merit of law we are afforded all rights and facilities of are chosen gender the moment we are diagnosed and it is committed to medical record.
If we are ever to be accepted as women, then abdicating the responsability of acting and behaving as the women we report to be, will weakening any legal and moral stance we have gained. If we are seen as being inappropriate in situations and facilities by either of the born sex, for using the gender appropriate facilities of are legal entitlement, then they are acting prejudicially and committing an offence. That is the law. The sensitivities of are community have been ignored for decades and the nature born have shown little care. If the attitudes of all are to change, then shying away from what is are right, purely to avoid conflict or falsely protect others sensitivities, will only prolong or stifle any hope of true acceptance.
Given a right, then exercise a right. Not doing so would risk loosing it. If you truly believe you are what you say you are, then have the backbone to stand up for it.
Tuesday, 29 December 2015
A difficult one...
Christmas all but over and thoughts of new years eve are playing on my mind. I have been looking at my journey to this moment and trying to rationalise the events and emotions of my life. I was hoping that I would find a new clarity to step into 2016, but if anything , I am more lost.
It is not the scars I carry that make me the person I am, it is my ability to heal that makes me who I am.
Such a small sentence to surmise a life time born in the wrong body. It truly is are ability to recover that makes us who we are; yes the adversities impact and harden are view and outlook, but they also give us the compassion and hope that makes us the whole and attractive prospect of potential. There are few that travel through life without some degree of adversity, with or without gender issue, the skill is to recognise are suffering and that of others, and forgive.
'Forgive' may seem a strange word to use in the context, but it is the word I feel is appropriate. We carry guilt as a constant for life's failings and internalise these emotions, if we can find are way to forgive, then the weight and fear of them is eased. I will try and remind myself of this concept as the end of the year approaches and attempt to develop it as a strategy to cope with the pointless baggage I carry from a past that I have no power to change.
I hope that you all had some joy over Christmas and the new year is kind to you all xxx
It is not the scars I carry that make me the person I am, it is my ability to heal that makes me who I am.
Such a small sentence to surmise a life time born in the wrong body. It truly is are ability to recover that makes us who we are; yes the adversities impact and harden are view and outlook, but they also give us the compassion and hope that makes us the whole and attractive prospect of potential. There are few that travel through life without some degree of adversity, with or without gender issue, the skill is to recognise are suffering and that of others, and forgive.
'Forgive' may seem a strange word to use in the context, but it is the word I feel is appropriate. We carry guilt as a constant for life's failings and internalise these emotions, if we can find are way to forgive, then the weight and fear of them is eased. I will try and remind myself of this concept as the end of the year approaches and attempt to develop it as a strategy to cope with the pointless baggage I carry from a past that I have no power to change.
I hope that you all had some joy over Christmas and the new year is kind to you all xxx
Wednesday, 16 December 2015
Thursday, 10 December 2015
Comments I would love comments
I apologise to those that have tried to post comment, there has been an issue with settings and this has now been corrected.
Please, if you have anything to say or questions to ask, feel free. It will be from your input that I will be more able to develop these pages. I welcome the opportunity for discussion and development xxx
Please, if you have anything to say or questions to ask, feel free. It will be from your input that I will be more able to develop these pages. I welcome the opportunity for discussion and development xxx
To my greatest and constant love...
To my M&R...
I have thought long and hard about this inclusion, I write it without a sense of guilt. but more of celebration. Your are both precious stars and my love for you will never diminish or tarnish, you each in equal measure have half of me, half my soul, half my being. My body may change, my gender like wise, but your are made of half of me and more precious to me than breath.
I can only offer you the reassurance that this will always be, you don't fall from my thoughts or my hopes ever. Each day I offer prayer in my way, that you will find solace, and from these words one day come to understand that without my peace and change, I could never be whole. I realise and grieve that you can never truly understand, and carry with you a sense of abandon. I never abandoned you, in my way I protected you from witness to my suffering. You both are loved and will always be.
Forgive me xxx
I have thought long and hard about this inclusion, I write it without a sense of guilt. but more of celebration. Your are both precious stars and my love for you will never diminish or tarnish, you each in equal measure have half of me, half my soul, half my being. My body may change, my gender like wise, but your are made of half of me and more precious to me than breath.
I can only offer you the reassurance that this will always be, you don't fall from my thoughts or my hopes ever. Each day I offer prayer in my way, that you will find solace, and from these words one day come to understand that without my peace and change, I could never be whole. I realise and grieve that you can never truly understand, and carry with you a sense of abandon. I never abandoned you, in my way I protected you from witness to my suffering. You both are loved and will always be.
Forgive me xxx
Wednesday, 9 December 2015
A little candle in the dark.
Ay me! for aught that I could ever read,
Could ever hear by tale or history,
The course of true love never did run smooth;
But, either it was different in blood...
Could ever hear by tale or history,
The course of true love never did run smooth;
But, either it was different in blood...
Seems that for those of us with the confusion between mind and body, it is but a small part in the true issues of are psyche. What part are we to play in the games of the heart? I am finding my relationships so very confusing, having left a 17 year relationship with a gay man, I wander around in a sexual fug of superficial contentment of one night stands. I am not sure if it is in some part to qualify my self as an acceptable woman or just for the want of not waking alone in my bed.
The sexual act and the ability to attract men, could well be a need to prove to myself I am making the right choice. Justification for the sacrifices made both socially and physically, born of a deeper insecurity made manifest the further from the comfort of a relationship I progress. The abusive nature of the meaningless sexual act, a reflection of impending emasculation, a guilty apology for not being the son my parents dreamed I would be and making an exaggerated point that I am all woman.
I fell in love recently, all be it for a short time with a wonderful girl. It was thrilling and confusing as I found myself like a teenager again. Not knowing the rules of the game in a circumstance where I have no understanding of expectations; how does a pre-op woo a girl? All I knew it she had a fairy like attraction for me, like my childhood dreams made manifest. I was sorta forgetting the 20 year age gap and the physical impracticality's, but wow! It was if just such a lovely feeling to be so smitten for a while.
Hey ho, didn't last. There will be a lasting friendship I am sure, but I can't help wonder what life it would of been... The experience has taught me that in an ever changing universe of infinite possibility, there is hope yet. There is in some part of the inky darkness, just beyond sight for now, a soul holding a candle for me and given time, I may see my way to their guiding light.
Through my life I have seen many such candles and like a moth, I wind my way towards them. To a greater or lesser extent the effort has always been rewarded and I have value for each. Sometimes the flame burns to intense and exhausts itself far to soon, some flicker and pale. On the rarest occasion they reignite and to those holding such a candle, then I can say there is always hope, but learn your lesson and protect the flame, few moths are foolish enough to be burnt twice.
Through my life I have seen many such candles and like a moth, I wind my way towards them. To a greater or lesser extent the effort has always been rewarded and I have value for each. Sometimes the flame burns to intense and exhausts itself far to soon, some flicker and pale. On the rarest occasion they reignite and to those holding such a candle, then I can say there is always hope, but learn your lesson and protect the flame, few moths are foolish enough to be burnt twice.
What qualifies me as a woman is not my physical form or a sexual act, what qualifies me as a woman is what qualifies me as a human being. My gender has no meaning, my sex has no meaning. I have a warmth and kindness I can give, I have a hope and a dream to share. I think I lost sight for what really matters for a while, but that as yet unseen candle, is guiding me. xxx
Friday, 13 November 2015
My question
I was about 7 years old and out of the blue I asked my mother if I would grow boobs, really don't remember what made me ask the question, I knew the answer. It was the strange hope that the truth would evade me by the action of asking the question. My mother was strangely comforting and sat me down next to her and quietly told me that it would never happen. She explained I was a boy and she knew that I was not happy about it and had seen how I hurt since a very young child, she had prayed that I would grow out of it; if she only knew how I prayed that by some miracle I would change and become a girl.
By now I had started junior school, as I was a services child there was little incentive for the teachers to make more than a token effort to try to educate me. I would just wander away to be in my own company as the rest of my class was busied in learning alphabet of basic numbers. I would sit by my self and look at the picture in the books of occupy my self speaking quietly in my own language to the school rabbit. I had a familiarity with the poor creature, it was trapped in a box in a strange and unreal environment and I was trapped in a body not of my wishes and an unreal environment of my own imagination.
My self imposed isolation and silence made me the target for scorn and teasing by others, I developed an ability to close off from all but physical assault. I rationalised that it was not me they taunted, because I wasn't there, I was just watching the events, just an observer. Out of school my mother basically bulled me into going out in the hope I would join in the games of other children. Military children are a breed like no other, with the constant postings there was no purpose to forming close bonds, one or other would be moved on at some point. Instead there is a pecking order, the top of the ladder and sycophants, all trying to please the alpha in hope that they would avoid the bulling, and not surprisingly I stood out as the perfect victim.
I was quite content with my life, I didn't like the bullying, but I mostly avoided it, keeping myself very much to myself. When you know no different, you accept what you have, at that age you don't question the inequalities of life, you find the joys and pleasures available to you. I was to all purposes a spoilt child, I think Christmas and birthdays were the best opportunity for my parents to compensate and they did so in generosity of gifts. I often became frustrated with games that required multiple players, as it never seemed a good moment for either parents to participate. I would happily put 'Mouse Trap' together and play out my own scenarios, totally devoid of the games rules and intentions.
My world, though a construct of my own, was a happy one, I functioned in the reality, but my refuge was in the little bowers and shelters I built for the fairy's to occupy and I knew they would come one day and I knew I would join them.
I value that time, I know my imagination was born from those times and this empowered me in later life. I evolved to be a very resilient individual but with a capacity of patience and empathy for others. As dark as it may seem to those reading this, I was genuinely content, little impinged on my world and to me there was so much beauty around me. If I had been just a member of the pack, then I'm sure I would of missed out on so much that has made me the character I am now. I'm reminded by my friends that I am all character, normaly a question mark, every opportunity they have to take the piss xxx
By now I had started junior school, as I was a services child there was little incentive for the teachers to make more than a token effort to try to educate me. I would just wander away to be in my own company as the rest of my class was busied in learning alphabet of basic numbers. I would sit by my self and look at the picture in the books of occupy my self speaking quietly in my own language to the school rabbit. I had a familiarity with the poor creature, it was trapped in a box in a strange and unreal environment and I was trapped in a body not of my wishes and an unreal environment of my own imagination.
My self imposed isolation and silence made me the target for scorn and teasing by others, I developed an ability to close off from all but physical assault. I rationalised that it was not me they taunted, because I wasn't there, I was just watching the events, just an observer. Out of school my mother basically bulled me into going out in the hope I would join in the games of other children. Military children are a breed like no other, with the constant postings there was no purpose to forming close bonds, one or other would be moved on at some point. Instead there is a pecking order, the top of the ladder and sycophants, all trying to please the alpha in hope that they would avoid the bulling, and not surprisingly I stood out as the perfect victim.
I was quite content with my life, I didn't like the bullying, but I mostly avoided it, keeping myself very much to myself. When you know no different, you accept what you have, at that age you don't question the inequalities of life, you find the joys and pleasures available to you. I was to all purposes a spoilt child, I think Christmas and birthdays were the best opportunity for my parents to compensate and they did so in generosity of gifts. I often became frustrated with games that required multiple players, as it never seemed a good moment for either parents to participate. I would happily put 'Mouse Trap' together and play out my own scenarios, totally devoid of the games rules and intentions.
My world, though a construct of my own, was a happy one, I functioned in the reality, but my refuge was in the little bowers and shelters I built for the fairy's to occupy and I knew they would come one day and I knew I would join them.
I value that time, I know my imagination was born from those times and this empowered me in later life. I evolved to be a very resilient individual but with a capacity of patience and empathy for others. As dark as it may seem to those reading this, I was genuinely content, little impinged on my world and to me there was so much beauty around me. If I had been just a member of the pack, then I'm sure I would of missed out on so much that has made me the character I am now. I'm reminded by my friends that I am all character, normaly a question mark, every opportunity they have to take the piss xxx
Thursday, 12 November 2015
My meeting today
I am actively involved in the well-being of transgenders suffering with substance abuse issues and attended a meeting about the future of support agencies today. There is very little qualitative or quantitative data available on the transgender community with regards alcoholism and drugs addiction, it seems we are a forgotten enclave. I have my own views as to why this may be and fundamental to these, is the issue that the gender clinics take a dim view of individuals with substance issues and are reluctant to offer gender therapies to those suffering substance issues. I believe that this has led to a culture of non disclosure amongst individuals seeking to transition. I also believe that as a consequence, individuals are not seeking help from the support agencies with their substance abuse issues. Furthermore, residential recovery facilities have little understanding for specific needs of the transgender individual, resorting to an umbrella LGBT approach to application of anti discrimination policy rather than the practicalities of a transgenders needs. Few if any, have policy on provision of facilities. Which toileting facilities they can use, which gender specific groups they attend, right to the point of accommodation, pre-op sharing with men or women? Or worse still, accommodated alone. Few residential centres know, let alone follow the prescribed legislation, not to surprising that transgenderd individuals rarely seek help with substance problems. It will be no shock that we suffer much torment and trauma coming to terms with are transgenderd condition, along with this, many resort to damaging use of drugs, alcohol and prescribed medication, suffering silently.
I am sorry for painting such a bleak picture of the situation, but it is soon to be made even worse with the protected status of addiction support being withdrawn, and with the centralisation of NHS funding this mean that the addiction services will be competing for funding in the same arena as every other service. Inevitably the drugs and alcohol services will loose out as it lacks the sympathetic eye of the populous wholesale. My conclusion is where we were under regarded in the first place in terms of support for substance issues, we will be even less provided for in the new future, I would imagine this will remain the same long term also.
I am sorry for painting such a bleak picture of the situation, but it is soon to be made even worse with the protected status of addiction support being withdrawn, and with the centralisation of NHS funding this mean that the addiction services will be competing for funding in the same arena as every other service. Inevitably the drugs and alcohol services will loose out as it lacks the sympathetic eye of the populous wholesale. My conclusion is where we were under regarded in the first place in terms of support for substance issues, we will be even less provided for in the new future, I would imagine this will remain the same long term also.
Wednesday, 11 November 2015
What do I call you?
The mine field of how to address a transgender... Well I like 'Gabriel' or 'Gabby', after all, it is my name, but in answer to the question, 'Guidelines to treatments for gender dysphorics' to GP's, suggest the use of pronouns in accordance to how the individual presents, that is to say if they are M>F and dress as a woman then use the female pronouns.
It is wise to use 'Miss', 'her' and 'she', rarely will this cause offence and used politely, if a mistake is made, it will normally be corrected politely. You may of course cause occasional issue with the odd Goth or Emo, but they will soon let you know.
I was once said 'If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck and looks like a duck, then its probably a duck', transgenders are not that different, address them in the pronouns of their presented gender.
(No offence to any ducks reading this intended, I rest my case Mallard)
15/11/2015
Full of the cold, I hate head cold, face full of snot and a head full of cotton wool. Hey ho, had the question of what's the difference between TV, TS and TG. I see this as a very political question, I have never liked trying to classify the differences but I shall try, this is only how it is seen in the general community and in no way definitive.
TV is an appearance rather than a life choice, the motivations are not specifically directed at changing physiology to become a woman. I have met many many TV's and all in general good friends and they will happily say they are sexually motivated to dress as women, the more 'glamorous' the better.
TS seem to be less common and I have very little experience with TS As I see the them, TS feel more comfortable presenting as women though they may not necessarily wish to be one, also they most often have no wish to transition physically, nor do they necessarily see their appearance in a sexual motivated sense.
TG is an individual who's gender identity is in contradiction to their sex birth physiology. They were literally born into the wrong body. This has nothing to do with sexual orientation, fashion or any external socialisations. It is an internal identification, the individual is not the gender their body at birth, forces them to appear. These individuals are those that can and often do seek gender reassignment.
All three could be seen to meet the definitions of gender dysphoria, but to what degree is not something I am qualified to answer. This is only an opinion and not necessarily mine, but is the best I feel I can do to answer the question.
It is wise to use 'Miss', 'her' and 'she', rarely will this cause offence and used politely, if a mistake is made, it will normally be corrected politely. You may of course cause occasional issue with the odd Goth or Emo, but they will soon let you know.
I was once said 'If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck and looks like a duck, then its probably a duck', transgenders are not that different, address them in the pronouns of their presented gender.
(No offence to any ducks reading this intended, I rest my case Mallard)
15/11/2015
Full of the cold, I hate head cold, face full of snot and a head full of cotton wool. Hey ho, had the question of what's the difference between TV, TS and TG. I see this as a very political question, I have never liked trying to classify the differences but I shall try, this is only how it is seen in the general community and in no way definitive.
TV is an appearance rather than a life choice, the motivations are not specifically directed at changing physiology to become a woman. I have met many many TV's and all in general good friends and they will happily say they are sexually motivated to dress as women, the more 'glamorous' the better.
TS seem to be less common and I have very little experience with TS As I see the them, TS feel more comfortable presenting as women though they may not necessarily wish to be one, also they most often have no wish to transition physically, nor do they necessarily see their appearance in a sexual motivated sense.
TG is an individual who's gender identity is in contradiction to their sex birth physiology. They were literally born into the wrong body. This has nothing to do with sexual orientation, fashion or any external socialisations. It is an internal identification, the individual is not the gender their body at birth, forces them to appear. These individuals are those that can and often do seek gender reassignment.
All three could be seen to meet the definitions of gender dysphoria, but to what degree is not something I am qualified to answer. This is only an opinion and not necessarily mine, but is the best I feel I can do to answer the question.
Feed back
Please feel free to comment and question, I am open to any opinion or question that is considered and relevant, it will help me in my discussion, give me starting points and help me rationalise my thoughts, so please feel free to contact me.
gabrieltintoblog@gmail.com
14/11/2015
Please encourage others you may know with interest to take a look at my blog, it really is important that I get feedback so I have an idea of how to develop this opportunity. I created the E-mail address so my audience has a means to contact me. I need your question and opinions to develop my page. I welcome the opportunity to discuss points of view and develop my own. So please ask or suggest issues, interests and opinions, if its appropriate, I am happy to discuss events that affected my life and my transition. I am not solely here for self interest, its also to develop and express others ideas and hopes.
Gabriel xxx
gabrieltintoblog@gmail.com
14/11/2015
Please encourage others you may know with interest to take a look at my blog, it really is important that I get feedback so I have an idea of how to develop this opportunity. I created the E-mail address so my audience has a means to contact me. I need your question and opinions to develop my page. I welcome the opportunity to discuss points of view and develop my own. So please ask or suggest issues, interests and opinions, if its appropriate, I am happy to discuss events that affected my life and my transition. I am not solely here for self interest, its also to develop and express others ideas and hopes.
Gabriel xxx
The silence
The 'scissor incident' as is came to be known had a silent consequence. I had been taken to Akrotiri RAF hospital as a result of DIY SRS, the same hospital my father was stationed, and as a result he was called to his superiors to offer explanation of what had happened. My mothers maternal skills being brought into question and my fathers ability to control his wife and the possibility of bad press as a result of wagging tongues amongst the European enclave. I should say at this time my mothers mental health was never what you would call stable, I grew up with her constant attention seeking attempts at taking her life, I became emotionally immune to these incidents, to frequent for my emotional interest by the age of 6 or 7. Well I think this was the start of my fathers disinterest in me, I had been seen and heard a little to prominently for his careers well-being. I can only imagine the pointed words my parents may of exchanged, my mother took an overdose to ease my suffering and confusion.
I was seen by a nice lady at the hospital again that talked to me and asked me about how my parents hugged me, and only years later did I understand what was actually being investigated. For a long time there was a chill to are home and I new to stay out of the focus. I played my little games in the garden such that it was, collecting twigs and leaves to construct my fairy houses, crafting scavenged items from the scrub-land or bondoos as they were called, to furnish my tiny grottos and make them as appealing as I could in hope they would be occupied by the fairies I so desperately wished to join.
I feel this was the start of my withdrawal from reality, by 7 I still wet the bed, still built my grottos but had stopped talking altogether. When forced into social situations, I would find a corner and sit Buddha like silent in my own imagination, rebuking any attempt to eliciting me to join the fun and games. I'm told that from around 5 till almost 8 I would only say please and thank you, my only verbal response to any attempt to engage me. I knew it was the horrible bits between my legs that upset my family and I hated them, I knew the smooth children were loved more, they got the nice cloths and had the pretty hair and all I wanted was to have the same.
I was seen by a nice lady at the hospital again that talked to me and asked me about how my parents hugged me, and only years later did I understand what was actually being investigated. For a long time there was a chill to are home and I new to stay out of the focus. I played my little games in the garden such that it was, collecting twigs and leaves to construct my fairy houses, crafting scavenged items from the scrub-land or bondoos as they were called, to furnish my tiny grottos and make them as appealing as I could in hope they would be occupied by the fairies I so desperately wished to join.
I feel this was the start of my withdrawal from reality, by 7 I still wet the bed, still built my grottos but had stopped talking altogether. When forced into social situations, I would find a corner and sit Buddha like silent in my own imagination, rebuking any attempt to eliciting me to join the fun and games. I'm told that from around 5 till almost 8 I would only say please and thank you, my only verbal response to any attempt to engage me. I knew it was the horrible bits between my legs that upset my family and I hated them, I knew the smooth children were loved more, they got the nice cloths and had the pretty hair and all I wanted was to have the same.
Tuesday, 10 November 2015
First discovery
I remember as a small child, no more than 3 or 4, the heat of the afternoon sun on my small frame as I crouched with my chin on my knees, idling the sand between the boulders on the beach in Lymasol, Cyprus. I sheltering under my lime green Paisley sun hat otherwise naked, I watched as children, probably of my age, picked their way between the scorching stones to the relief of the lapping sea. I think this was the moment, an epiphany of sorts, I rationalised a difference between the body's of those children around me, the absence of structure on some, different to me, to my mind more like the fairies in my picture books and I wanted to be the same.
I dont remember how close after this realisation there were anatomical differences that the next event occurred, I assume it can't of been long, but it it must of played in my mind and become of great importance to me, I can recall at least 2 occasions I looked to try and one morning I had my chance. My mother made a pass time of dressmaking, it probably filled her time in my father's long absences. I found her dress making scissors and having seen there function, I must of thought I could achieve the smooth appearance of the fairy children from the beach.
The damage was not significant as I still remember the pain, not enough to warrant surgery but enough for a couple of stitches. I remember more the anger of my mother and how she shouted at me, calling me stupid and punishing me by stopping my treats of the beach. I remember that night in my bed, the weight of the hot tears as they rolled down my cheeks to pool past my ears an neck on my pillow. I am not sure if it was pain, that I had so upset my mother or that I had not achieved my wish to be one of the fairy children. I do know I will not forget those tears, I think they washed a small child's dreams away.
Monday, 9 November 2015
My definition of transgender
I've been asked to define what "Transgender" means. Well I will give my definition as I see it:
An individual who does not feel their biological sex is that of their gender identity and who has been diagnosed as gender dysphoric, in my case, I am female but my body is that of a male.
The clinical definition is available on 'The Classification of (GID) in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual", American Psychiatric Association. DSM-III-R. It is worth noting that this whiz bang read is as dull as paint drying and at no point did they actually bother to ask us how we would like defined.
What to say...
Been thinking what to say, I suppose I should start with what I feel.
That's a huge task, what I can say is that I feel insecure most of the time. There is hardly an hour in the day when I am out of the house, that I am not aware of some body staring, not the polite double take, a definite stare that is designed to intimidate. I say that I have become immune to this, but the truth of the matter is that I do feel hurt and often scared; when its made so obvious the intent is to make me unconformable, I cant predict the next moment. I have been verbally abused and occasionally confronted, and to me, the fear is very real. Trying to live a normal existence has become a balance of bravado towards those that know me; less they suffer concern for my safety and well being, and a constant state of anxiety for me. All normal pleasures in life can be striped in an instant on these occasions, the joy of a moment replaced by the leaden weight left in my stomach and the tension of adrenaline in my system.
09/11/2015
That's a huge task, what I can say is that I feel insecure most of the time. There is hardly an hour in the day when I am out of the house, that I am not aware of some body staring, not the polite double take, a definite stare that is designed to intimidate. I say that I have become immune to this, but the truth of the matter is that I do feel hurt and often scared; when its made so obvious the intent is to make me unconformable, I cant predict the next moment. I have been verbally abused and occasionally confronted, and to me, the fear is very real. Trying to live a normal existence has become a balance of bravado towards those that know me; less they suffer concern for my safety and well being, and a constant state of anxiety for me. All normal pleasures in life can be striped in an instant on these occasions, the joy of a moment replaced by the leaden weight left in my stomach and the tension of adrenaline in my system.
09/11/2015
Saturday, 7 November 2015
Just a feeling
I have been thinking a lot recently, about how I interact with people and the world around me, I have come to the not so very surprising conclusion that I am naive in my expectation that society is readily going to accept me as a woman. I have been thinking of using my page here as a conduit to express my feelings and maybe inform people who I am, explain myself and discuss the processes of change I have undergone. I don't want to write a text book of transition however, I want it to be a means to help others to know me and see me as the person I am rather than 'the transgender' they know, or more importantly, show those that don't know me that I am not so very different to themselves.
I am not sure how I am going to go about this just at this moment, I am thinking of using an open journal approach,. At times talking about my past in a factual recounts punctuated with how they affected me emotionally and how I acted as a result. Other times just using the space as a diary of my day. My hope will be that those that follow what I scribble will gain an understanding of the person I am and loose what preconceptions they may have of me, more importantly loose those preconceptions of 'the type' of person. I'd like people to personalize what they read and develop a commonality with me. I hope from this they will see more similarities than differences and take with it how, with a bit of understanding, how close the world can be if we give ourselves the opportunity.
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