My question

I was about 7 years old and out of the blue I asked my mother if I would grow boobs, really don't remember what made me ask the question, I knew the answer. It was the strange hope that the truth would evade me by the action of asking the question. My mother was strangely comforting and sat me down next to her and quietly told me that it would never happen. She explained I was a boy and she knew that I was not happy about it and had seen how I hurt since a very young child, she had prayed that I would grow out of it; if she only knew how I prayed that by some miracle I would change and become a girl.

By now I had started junior school, as I was a services child there was little incentive for the teachers to make more than a token effort to try to educate me. I would just wander away to be in my own company as the rest of my class was busied in learning alphabet of basic numbers. I would sit by my self and look at the picture in the books of occupy my self speaking quietly in my own language to the school rabbit. I had a familiarity with the poor creature, it was trapped in a box in a strange and unreal environment and I was trapped in a body not of my wishes and an unreal environment of my own imagination.

My self imposed isolation and silence made me the target for scorn and teasing by others, I developed an ability to close off from all but physical assault. I rationalised that it was not me they taunted, because I wasn't there, I was just watching the events, just an observer. Out of school my mother basically bulled me into going out in the hope I would join in the games of other children. Military children are a breed like no other, with the constant postings there was no purpose to forming close bonds, one or other would be moved on at some point. Instead there is a pecking order, the top of the ladder and sycophants, all trying to please the alpha in hope that they would avoid the bulling, and not surprisingly I stood out as the perfect victim.

I was quite content with my life, I didn't like the bullying, but I mostly avoided it, keeping myself very much to myself. When you know no different, you accept what you have, at that age you don't question the inequalities of life, you find the joys and pleasures available to you. I was to all purposes a spoilt child, I think Christmas and birthdays were the best opportunity for my parents to compensate and they did so in generosity of gifts. I often became frustrated with games that required multiple players, as it never seemed a good moment for either parents to participate. I would happily put 'Mouse Trap' together and play out my own scenarios, totally devoid of the games rules and intentions.

My world, though a construct of my own, was a happy one, I functioned in the reality, but my refuge was in the little bowers and shelters I built for the fairy's to occupy and I knew they would come one day and I knew I would join them.

I value that time, I know my imagination was born from those times and this empowered me in later life. I evolved to be a very resilient individual but with a capacity of patience and empathy for others. As dark as it may seem to those reading this, I was genuinely content, little impinged on my world and to me there was so much beauty around me. If I had been just a member of the pack, then I'm sure I would of missed out on so much that has made me the character I am now. I'm reminded by my friends that I am all character, normaly a question mark, every opportunity they have to take the piss xxx